英语爆笑笑话大全简短

　　在现实生活中闷闷不乐对健康三不利的。因此，小编特意整理了一些英语笑话供您娱乐一下。

　　我为什么逃避手术

　　A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.

　　一位男士在进行手术前被发现正沿着医院的大厅逃离。

　　"What's the matter?" he was asked.

　　“发生了什么?”有人问他。

　　He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'"

　　男士回答道：“我听见护士说，‘这只是一个简单的手术。不用担心，我相信不会出问题的。’”

　　"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"

　　“她这样做是想让你感到安心啊，有什么好害怕的?”

　　"She was talking to the damn doctor!"

　　“可她是在对那该死的手术医生说!”

　　The Cemetery Shortcut为抄近路走墓地

　　Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.

　　万圣节派对过后，两男人图个乐呵，打算抄近路穿过墓地回家。

　　Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

　　走到墓地中央时，他们被从迷雾中传来的“答、答、答”声惊吓到了。

　　Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

　　正当两人害怕得浑身颤抖时，他们看到是个老头拿着铁锤和凿子，在一块墓石上凿着什么。

　　"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

　　“哇塞，先生，”其中一人喘了口气说，“你把我们吓得半死啊，我们还以为遇上鬼了呢!那么晚了你在这里做什么?”

　　"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

　　“那帮白痴!”老头抱怨道，“他们把我名字拼错啦!”

　　保证没走错To be on the Safe Side

　　In a cinema during a performance one of the audience gets up, makes his way along the row of seats and goes out into the foyer.

　　在一家电影院里，一名观众在演出期间站了起来，沿着他那排位子走到休息室去了。

　　A few minutes later he returns and asks the man sitting at the head of the row:

　　几分钟后，他回到那排位子并问坐在首位的那位男士道：

　　"Excuse me, was it your foot I stepped on when I was going out a moment ago?"

　　“对不起，请问我刚才出去的时候是踩着你的'脚吗?”

　　"Yes, but it doesn't really matter. It didn't hurt at all."

　　“是的，不过没什么关系，一点也不疼。”

　　"Oh, no, it isn't that. I only want to make sure that this is my row."

　　“噢，不，我不是这个意思。我只是想确认一下这是不是我的那排位子。”

　　传教士买鹦鹉A preacher is buying a parrot

　　A preacher is buying a parrot.

　　一个传教士在买鹦鹉。

　　"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.

　　“你确信它不会尖叫，大叫或诅咒别人吗?”传教士问。

　　"Oh absolutely. He's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.

　　“噢，绝对不会。它是一只虔诚的鹦鹉。”店主向他保证。

　　"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."

　　“你看见它腿上的那些细绳了吗?当你拉动右边这根，它会背诵天主经;当你拉动左边那根，它会背诵赞美诗。”

　　"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"

　　“太棒了!”传教士说，“但是如果我同时拉动两根绳子，会发生什么呢?”

　　"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.

　　“我会从树干上掉下去，你这个笨蛋!”鹦鹉尖声说道。

　　Goldfish 金鱼

　　Stan: I won 92 goldfish.

　　斯丹：我赢了 92 条金鱼。

　　Fred: Where are you going to keep them?

　　弗雷德：你想在哪儿养它们?

　　Stan: In the bathroom.

　　斯丹：浴室。

　　Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?

　　弗雷德：但是你想洗澡时怎么办?

　　Stan: Blindfold(蒙眼睛) them!

　　斯丹：蒙住它们的眼睛!