非常短的英语小笑话1

　　纹身

　　A few months after Tom and I were married一during World War II, he was shipped off to Pearl Harbor. In one of his first letters，he wrote，"I'm going to have a Navy battle-ship tattooed on my chest.”

　　二战中，汤姆和我刚结婚几个月，他就被派到珍珠港。在他早期的一封信中，他写道:“我想把海军战舰纹刻在胸前。”

　　Instead of pleading, I answered sim*,“Send me a pitcture of your tattoo，and I'll have a duplicate put on my chest. "

　　我没有劝阻，只是简单地回了信:“给我寄一张你纹旁的照片来，然后我也在我的'胸前仿纹一个。”

　　We have been married for 51 years. Neither of us has a tattoo.

　　我们现在已结婚51年了，谁也没纹过身。

非常短的英语小笑话2

　　关心

　　A customer at my teller's window was grumbling about the low interest rate on his savings account. He finally said he was just going to take all his money out of the bank，dig a hole in his back yard and bury it.

　　一位顾客站在我的出纳窗口前，埋怨存钱的利率太低。最后，他说他妥把所有的钱从银行里取出来，在自家后院挖个坑，把钱理了。

　　The teller next to rne leaned over. "Sir，I couldn't help overhearing. Tell me, what is your address?".

　　隔壁窗口的出纳员探过身来说:“先生，我实在不怒愉听，但还是听到了，告诉我，您住在什么地才?”

非常短的英语小笑话3

　　过分紧张

　　My little girl loves animals，but one day she was bitten by a small field mouse she'd found. She carried it home in her pocket and told me what happened. Worried about rabies，I called our town humane society and was told that the animal would have to be examined, and they'd send someone for it.

　　我的小女儿喜欢动物。但有一天，她被一只她找到的小田鼠咬了一口。她把那小动物放在口袋里带了回来，并把所发生的一切都告诉了我。由于害怕她被传染上鼠痊，我给镇上的私区医院打了电话。他们告诉我这个小动物应被检查一下，还说他们会派人去把它取走。

　　When the humane-society truck pulled up，a big man got out，put on a pair of gauntlets and took a capture stick and a big cage from the back of the truck. Trying not to laugh, I handed him a small shoe box containing the mouse.

　　社区医院的卡车停在了我家门口，一个大个子下了车，他戴**防护手套，从车的后箱里取出一根棍子和一个笼子。我

　　尽量克制自己不笑出来，把那装有小田鼠的杜盒子递给了他。

　　"Lady，"he said，seeing my expression, "they only told me it was a wild animal. "

　　“太太，”当他看到我的表情时他说，“他们只告诉我说是好生动物。”

非常短的英语小笑话 (菁选3篇)扩展阅读

非常短的英语小笑话 (菁选3篇)（扩展1）

——短的小英语笑话 (菁选3篇)

短的小英语笑话1

　　Tony and his father are eating dinner .

　　托尼正和他爸爸一起吃晚餐。

　　Suddenly Tony asks his father, “Dad, are flies yummy ?”

　　突然，托尼问他的.爸爸：“爸爸，苍蝇好吃吗?”

　　Dad frowns and says, “No, I think it’s yucky . Why do you ask me this question ? It’s a silly question.”

　　爸爸皱眉说：“我想不好吃。你怎么会问这个问题?这可是一个愚蠢的问题。”

　　But Tony says, “ There was one fly in your plate .”

　　可是托尼说：“刚才你盘子里有一只苍蝇。”

短的小英语笑话2

　　Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.

　　小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

　　"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

　　“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”

　　"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

　　“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。

　　"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

　　“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”

　　"She is the one who sells the candy."

　　“她是个卖糖果的。”

短的小英语笑话3

　　During the com*r class，the teacher chastised one boy for talking to the girl sitting behind him.

　　计算机课上，老师批评一个男生，因为他和后边的女生说话。

　　"I was just asking her a question，”the boy said.

　　“我只不过问她一个问题。”男生说。

　　"If you have a question, ask me, "the teacher replied

　　“如果你有问题，问我好了。”老师说道。

　　“OK，"the boy answered.“Do you want to go out with me Friday night?"

　　“那好吧，”这个男生说，“周五晚上你愿意和我一起出去吗?”

非常短的英语小笑话 (菁选3篇)（扩展2）

——英语的小短笑话 (菁选3篇)

英语的小短笑话1

　　a kiss At a dinner party, the speaker, who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver a speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it. The guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife must love you very much, I see her send you a 'KISS' before you begin your speech." The speaker smiled and explained, "You don't know my wife. The 'KISS' she give me stands for 'Keep It Short, Stupid.'"

英语的小短笑话2

　　A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

　　An immediate re* came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

英语的小短笑话3

　　The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party.Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment,he said,"Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow.When the door open,push with your foot."

　　"Why use my elbow and foot?"

　　"Well,gosh," was the re*,"You're not coming empty-hangded,are you?

非常短的英语小笑话 (菁选3篇)（扩展3）

——非常简单的英语短笑话 (菁选2篇)

非常简单的英语短笑话1

　　Leading questions

　　诱导性的**

　　Teacher:Billy, What does C-A-T Spell?

　　老师：比利，C-A-T拼出来是什么词?

　　Billy：Don't know,sir.

　　比利：不知道，先生。

　　Teacher:What does your mother keep to catch mice?

　　老师：**妈用什么逮老鼠?

　　Billy：Atrap,sir.

　　比利：捕鼠夹，先生。

　　Teacher: No. What animal is fond of milk?

　　老师：不对，不对。什么动物非常喜欢喝牛奶?

　　Billy：The baby,sir.

　　比利：婴儿，先生。

　　Teacher: You stupid! What was it that scratched your sister's face?

　　老师：你真笨!是什么东西抓破了你妹妹的脸?

　　Billy：My nails,sir,

　　比利：我的指甲，先生。

　　Teacher: You're putting me out of patiencel Do you see that animal in the yard? then tell me,what does C-A-T spell?

　　老师：你真叫我生气!你看院予里是什么动物7告诉我，C-A-T

　　拼出来是什么字?

　　Bilty：Kitton，sir.

　　比利：Kitten(小猫)，先生。

非常简单的英语短笑话2

　　The warden of the prison felt sorry for one of his inmates because every weekend on Visitor’s Day, most of the prisoners had family members and friends coming, but poor George always sat alone in his cell.

　　So one Visitor’s Day, the warden called George to his office and said, "I notice you’ve never had any visitors, George." Sympathetic, he put his hand on George’s shoulder. "Tell me, don’t you have any friends or family?"

　　George replied, "Oh, sure I do, Warden. It’s just that they’re all in here!"

　　典狱长对狱中一位囚犯深感同情，因为每逢周末的探访日，大多数囚犯都有家人或朋友来访，但是可怜的乔治总是孤伶伶地坐在自己的囚室中。

　　因此在一个探访日，典狱长把乔治叫到办公室说：“乔治，我注意到从来没有人来探望过你。”他满怀同情地把手放在乔治的肩膀上：“告诉我，你没有任何朋友或家人吗?”

　　乔治回答：“喔!当然有，典狱长，只不过他们全都在这里面!”

非常短的英语小笑话 (菁选3篇)（扩展4）

——带翻译的英语小笑话 (菁选3篇)

带翻译的英语小笑话1

　　He is really somebody!

　　" My uncle has 1000 men under him."

　　"He is really somebody. What does he do?"

　　"A maintenance man in a cemetery. "

　　他真是一个***!

　　“我叔叔下面有1000个人。”

　　“他真是一个***。干什么的?”

　　“墓地守墓人。”

带翻译的英语小笑话2

　　A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention,passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the threewe have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a result."

　　Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We justlost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive inLondon three hours late."

　　At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose anotherengine, we'll be up here all night!"

　　一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。”

　　过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦 ?我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。”

　　正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的.份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天**。”

带翻译的英语小笑话3

　　but I'm not listening while doing my make-up.

　　In class Mary was looking at a samll mirror while combining her hair and doing her make-up. Theteacher noticed and commented, "you shouldn't do your make-up while listening to class."

　　Replied Mary, " but I'm not listening while doing my make-up."

　　可我化妆时没听课呀

　　课堂内，玛丽对着一个小镜子束发，化妆。 老师发现了，说：“你不应该听课时化妆。”

　　玛丽回答说：“可我化妆时没听课呀。”

非常短的英语小笑话 (菁选3篇)（扩展5）

——英语讲的小笑话 (菁选3篇)

英语讲的小笑话1

　　雇主和雇员

　　Workman: "Mr. Brown, I should like to ask for a smallrise in my wages. I have just been married."

　　Employer: "Very sorry, my dear man, but I can't help you. For accidents which happen to our workmen outside the factory we are not responsible."

　　工人：“布朗先生，我想请您给我加一点工资。我刚刚结了婚。”

　　雇主：“非常抱歉，老兄，但是我**为力。对工人在厂外发生的`事故我们概不负责。”

英语讲的小笑话2

　　第一次开出租车

　　A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath1, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.

　　The driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."

　　乘客轻拍了一下出租车司机的肩膀，想问个问题。司机大叫起来，车也失去了**，几乎撞上一辆公车，还**便道，在还差几厘米就撞上商店橱窗时终于停了下来。

　　司机说，“伙计，别再这么干了。你把我吓破胆了!”乘客抱歉地说，“我没想到拍你一下就吓成这样。” 司机说，“对不起，也不全是你的错。今天是我第一天开出租。以前25年里我一直开殡葬车。”

英语讲的小笑话3

　　Lawyer and Engineer

　　A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and the insurance company paid for everything."

　　"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."

　　The lawyer looked somewhat1 confused. "How do you start a flood?" he asked.

　　一个律师与一个工程师在加勒比海边钓鱼。律师说：“我到这里是因为我的房子被大火烧了，保险公司赔偿了我所有的损失。”

　　“这太巧了，”工程师说，“我是因为房子被洪水冲垮了，保险公司也赔偿了所有的损失。”

　　律师看起来有些困惑，“你是怎么引起洪水的?”他不解的问。

非常短的英语小笑话 (菁选3篇)（扩展6）

——短幽默英语笑话 (菁选3篇)

短幽默英语笑话1

　　A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his local doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies that the illness is quite serious but can be cured with a small course of two

　　suppositories inserted deep up the back passage. The man agrees, and so the doctor warns him of the pain, tells him to bend over, and shoves the thing way up his behind. The doctor then hands him the second dose and tells him to do the same thing in six hours time using rubber gloves and KY-Jelly or something.

　　So, the man goes home and later that evening tries to get the second suppository inserted, but he finds he cannot reach himself properly to obtain the required depth. Thus, he calls

　　his wife over and tells her what to do. The wife nods, puts one hand on his shoulder to steady him and with the other shoves the medicine home.

　　Suddenly the man screams in disgust.

　　"What's the matter?" asked his wife. "Did I hurt you?"

　　"No," replies the man, "but I just realized that when the doctor did that, he had BOTH hands on my shoulders."

短幽默英语笑话2

　　There was a little old lady who was nearly blind, and she had three sons who wanted to prove which one was the best to her.

　　Son #1 bought her a 15-room mansion, thinking this would surely be the best that any of them could offer her.

　　Son #2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included, thinking this would surely win her approval.

　　Son #3 had to do something even better, so he bought her a parrot that he had been training for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could ask the parrot any verse in the Bible, and he could quote it word for word. What a gift that would be.

　　Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous, but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's too large to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway."

　　Then she confronted her second son with, "Son, the car is beautiful. It has everything you could ever want on it, but I don't drive and really don't like the chauffeur, so please return the car."

　　Next, she went to Son #3 and said, "Son, I just want to thank you for your most thoughtful gift. That chicken was delicious."

短幽默英语笑话3

　　A man in a taxi cab taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamsbloody murder, loses control of the cab, and swerves onto the sidewalk before stopping just inches from a lamppost.

　　After checking to make sure the passenger is OK, the driver says "I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me!"

　　"Sorry. I didn't realize a simple tap on the shoulder would freak you out so much," the passenger says.

　　"It's not your fault," replies the cabbie.

　　"Today is my first day on the job after 25 years of driving a hearse."

非常短的英语小笑话 (菁选3篇)（扩展7）

——英语小笑话简短 (菁选3篇)

英语小笑话简短1

　　a man of actions

　　a crowd of student was gathered on the campus of oxford university. “you can have no doubt,” shouted a young man excitedly, “that if the dean does not take back what he said to me this morning, i’ll leave oxford this very evening!”

　　a buzzing noise followed. “what a man of actions!” one said in admiration. “how should we support him and learn from him!” said another.

　　suddenly, a girl asked, “what did the dean say to you, hob?”

　　he bent and whispered to her, “well,er???er???miss rose, er???he told me to get clean away from oxford this very evening!”

　　一个言出必行的人

　　一群学生聚在牛津的校园里，一个年轻人情绪激动地叫道：“毋庸置疑，如果那个家伙不收回他今早对我说的话，我今晚就离开牛津。”

　　下面一片喧哗。“真是个言出必行的人。”一个人艳羡地说。另一个说：“我们要**他、学习他。”

　　突然，一个女孩问道：“那家伙对你说什么了，霍波?”

　　他弯下腰小声说：“哦，呃…呃…，*，呃…他说要我今晚从牛津滚出去。”

英语小笑话简短2

　　a woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch(门廊).

　　一位女士走向坐在门廊的椅子上摇动的小老头。

　　i couldn't help noticing how happy you look, she says. what's your secret for a long, happy life?

　　我无意中发现，你是多么幸福，那女士说。你幸福而长寿的秘密是什么?

　　i smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise.

　　我每天抽三包烟，每周喝一箱威士忌，吃高脂肪食品，而且从来不曾锻炼。

　　wow, that's amazing, says the woman. how old are you?

　　哦，真神奇，女士说。你高寿?

　　twenty-six.

　　二十六。

英语小笑话简短3

　　"no," growled(咆哮) the quartermaster, "you can't have a new pair of shoes. the pair you have aren't worn out."

　　“不行，”军需官大声说：“你不能领一双新鞋子，你穿着的'那双还没有穿破。”

　　"not worn out," cried the recruit, " why, if i step on a dime i can feel if it's head or tails."

　　“没穿破，”新兵叫道：“为什么?如果我踩到一个一角硬币，我可以知道踩着的那面是头还是字。”

非常短的英语小笑话 (菁选3篇)（扩展8）

——短而精悍小笑话 (菁选2篇)

短而精悍小笑话1

　　1、不能活在自己的世界里，也不能活在别人的世界里，MD，没地方活了。

　　2、刚才开车在路上，看到一辆杂牌小轿车，他用惯性漂移过弯，他的车速很快，如果你们知道他是谁，麻烦告诉他家人一声，他连人带车漂沟里了。

　　3、说**坏话不小心发群里了，又发现发的是同事群，不是**群，又发现群里有**，又发现**不在线，又发现**就在我身后。。。

　　4、教你一招如何泡到女神!你得先有房，没房请找我，我可以给你讲讲买房流程!还能介绍笋盘给你。

　　5、历史总是惊人的相似，昨天的此刻我饿了，今天的此刻我又TM饿了!

　　6、单身并不可怕，可怕的是你们都觉得我有好多男朋友。

短而精悍小笑话2

　　1、坐火车，半路上来一男一女两个道士。

　　列车员检票到他们跟前时，女道士说：我们是出家人，不用买票。

　　列车员：你看这车上哪个不是出家人!

　　一车厢的人都在笑。。。

　　2、路过办公室，听老板在里面对着文员妹妹大发雷霆：“我安排某某去南通开会，是江苏南通!让你给他买票你买哪去了?!为啥他跑四川南充去了?!”

　　3、老婆身体瘦弱，怀孕时体重也没怎么长。儿子出生以后，八斤多。

　　医生感慨道：又一个薄皮大馅的`!

　　4、一日**问韩寒：“请问韩寒先生，您母亲和郭四娘一起掉进水里你先救哪一个?”

　　不少人纳闷，怎么提这种问题，大家都在关注韩寒怎么回答。

　　韩寒肯定地说：“先救明明”。全场哗然，议论纷纷。

　　韩寒看出了大家的疑惑，补充了一句“水深一米四”!